


even davinci couldn't paint you

by alwaysayes



Series: the wonder years [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, IT ALL GETS RESOLVED I PROMISE!!!!!, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:52:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6680986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysayes/pseuds/alwaysayes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lafayette opened the door to find Alex curled up under his blankets, TV deafeningly loud, and something they never heard- ever.<br/>Alex was crying.<br/>Alex never cried. Not when they watched Les Miserables, not when he read Order of the Phoenix. Never.<br/>“Alex?” They whispered.<br/>Alex groaned in response.<br/>“I’m sorry, you’ve gotta get up.”<br/>“No.” Alex said firmly.<br/>“Yes.” Lafayette prompted.<br/>“No.” Alex insisted.<br/>So yeah. Alex was a mess.<br/>Things unraveled for him every time. He could never have anything good in his life without it being ruined by someone else. <br/>He just wanted something good for himself for once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	even davinci couldn't paint you

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry it took so long for me to write this and also the title is from davinci by weezer!! enjoy!!

Alex woke up with a warm thrum vibrating through his bones.

It was a slow kind of anxiety. The kind where you don’t know what’s going to happen next and your body is still getting used to the present.

John was in his own bedroom, tearing down the posters he kept on his walls since he was a little kid, packing all of his belongings into boxes.

Alex was lying in his bed, thinking.

How bad had he fucked up?

He had fucked up very badly.

He couldn’t stop thinking about when John went back home.

There was screaming. There was crying. There was a lot of things. 

A lot of things contributed to them falling apart.

School. Work. Family. Money. Life.

They were highschool sweethearts, couldn’t stay together forever.

Alex knew that.

But John wouldn’t take off his binder and he wouldn’t hydrate and he would hardly ever sleep and-

_ No.  _ Alex scolded himself.  _ Don’t think about it. Him. _

**lafayette:** alex are you okay

**lafayette:** please stop pretending you are.

**alex:** i fucked up so bad lafayette. so fucking horribly.

**lafayette:** do you want to do something?

**alex:** no

**lafayette:** mulligan, eliza, and i are ging out tonight. Hit us up alex

**alex:** i just want to lie in bed and writhe in my own filth

**lafayette:** so eloquent

**alex:** ikr!

**lafayette:** hamilton, come hang out tonight.

**alex:** i might, but i need to know if he’s forgiven me

Alex had done a few things. They had both done a few things. John and Alex had both messed up.

Alex had scolded him for not taking his binder off.

John had yelled at Alex for touching him.

They were both tight wound, arrows ready to be expelled.

Neither of them really knew what was happening that night.

It was probably something that happened over the course of the summer. 

They had both been accepted into the same college, and they were trying to find a place to live. A place for them.

They found a cozy apartment, up a few blocks from Broadway, and they signed the contract, and they were about to finish moving in together.

But Alex messed up. He spoke too soon, he bit his tongue every hour, he was hurting.

But John didn’t know.

In his own family’s home, John was stressing.

Martha was at his feet, they were sitting in the living room, and everything was choppy.

His hair was pulled tight into a ponytail, he was biting his nails, the world was slowing down around him.

Martha was smiling softly down at her phone, grinning as she typed rapidly.

John’s fingers were in her  hair, braiding it.

“What’re you smiling about, kiddo?” He asked.

“Mmm… I’ll tell you if you tell me why you’re moping and why you haven’t talked to Alex in like, a week.” Martha said, fidgeting in John’s grip.

“We got in a fight.” 

“Well, duh. But why did you guys fight?”

“I was sick of him mothering me. He was constantly reminding me to breathe, reminding me to hydrate, everything. And it got on my nerves. So I told him. And he got mad. So I stormed out of the apartment. He hasn’t tried talking to me since then, so I haven’t really. Tried. I guess.” John tried.

“Fine. Well, um. It’s this girl I met. She’s really nice.” Martha blushed, and John grinned.

“I’m happy for you, kiddo.” 

“Don’t call me that.” Martha protested, rolling her eyes.

John felt a little bit lighter.

Martha always helped. Growing up she had always given him the younger sister input everyone needed.

She would give him the ‘duh,’ answer.

“Hey Martha, should I say yes to him?” He had asked her, sometime in his sophomore year.

“Um. Duh.” The twelve year old Martha had replied.

He smiled.

-

**martha:** hey lucy!

**lucy:** HI!

**martha:** my brother is braiding my hair omg

**lucy:** i’ll braid your hair anytime ;)

**martha:** what does that even mean wtf

**lucy:** i dunno why you askin me

**martha:** HE’S TELLING ME HIS RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

**lucy:** AMAZING

**martha:** he actually sounds really distraught oh

**martha:** i think he’s about to cry?

**lucy:** o

**lucy:** WHY DIDNT I FUGURE THIS OUT EARLIER

**lucy:** YOURE JOHN LAURENS SISTER OMG

**martha:** i thought u knew,,,, im

**lucy:** I DID BUT. I DONT THINK YOU KNOW THIS

**lucy:** IM THOMAS JEFFERSONS SISTRR I CANT. BREATHE THIS IS SO AWKWARD

**martha:** WAIT WHAT

**martha:** HOLY shUT

**lucy:** i

**lucy:** we’re both idiots

-

Alex was staring at the ceiling, the same empty feeling in his heart that he’d had for so long.

**_sin squad_ **

**aaron:** you okay hamilton?

**ham:** NOPE! but its okay! im fine!

**theo:** will you tell us what happened?

**ham:** um. 

**ham:** i apparently was too worried about him all the time and. he snapped and i didn't realize i was crossing a line and he left our apartment and we haven't talked in two weeks

**theo:** shit alex im sorry

**ham:** whatever i don't need pity.

-

Alex burrowed himself deeper and deeper into his blankets, turning up his TV volume.

He was watching one of his favorite shows, but the show was something he and John would watch every time a new episode came out, so memories just came back like water slipping through a flood drain.

His eyes were tightly shut, burrowing himself further and further into his blanket cocoon, tears burning at the corners of his eyes.

**lafayette:** can i come in???

**alex:** …… sure

Lafayette opened the door to find Alex curled up under his blankets, TV deafeningly loud, and something they never heard- ever.

Alex was crying.

Alex never cried. Not when they watched  _ Les Miserables,  _ not when he read  _ Order of the Phoenix.  _ Never.

“Alex?” They whispered.

Alex groaned in response.

“I’m sorry, you’ve gotta get up.”

“No.” Alex said firmly.

“Yes.” Lafayette prompted.

“No.” Alex insisted.

So yeah. Alex was a mess.

Things unraveled for him every time. He could never have anything good in his life without it being ruined by someone else. 

He just wanted something good for himself for once.

-

John of course, was also a mess, but he was focusing it into better, more productive things. 

His music was doing amazing, everything was going well for him. 

Except of course, his relationship.

**john:** hey.

**alex:** ?

**john:** im sorry for snapping at you

**alex:** it’s alright i deserved it.

**john:** ...you really didn’t.

Alex sighed.

John sighed.

**alex:** meet me in our usual spot. 1 hr.

Alex rolled out of his blanket fort and off to the bathroom in all his shirtless glory, and stumbled under the scalding hot stream of water.

He stood there for a few minutes, relishing in the heat.

He washed his hair slowly, sometimes wishing someone else was doing it for him because he was so tired.

He was out of the shower in twenty minutes, tugging his wet hair into a messy braid.

He grabbed an old t-shirt from his bedroom floor, pulled it over his head and grabbed a pair of skinny jeans, pulling them on as well.

He slowly put his vans on, and soon, he was walking out the door to meet John.

John was going through a similar process, trudging out of his bed, showering, getting dressed, and running down the street to meet Alex.

They ran into each other.

They literally ran into each other.

Collided, chests banging together.

Alex was breathless.

Even two weeks later, when they hadn’t been speaking, John looked stunning to him.

They stopped and stared at each other for a few moments, until apologies were rushing from both of them like mad.

They walked back to Alex’s house, hand in hand that night.

When they fell asleep together in Alex’s bed that night, it felt like home.


End file.
